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maverick_weirdo

I have come to a conclusion today,

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Mar. 6th, 2008 | 04:54 pm
mood: depressed depressed

I am depressed; I know that a lot of you are old hands at this, while this is somewhat new to me. I am typically a positive person, but sometimes the weight of circumstances will drag me down.

Up to today I was blaming my trouble getting out of bed in the morning on the season. Cold, gray, little light (and that’s just inside my apartment) but today the weather is sunny and warm (50’s) and I’m not feeling it. For the past couple of days I have found myself crying for no particular reason, other than it felt good to let the tears out.

I realize that this is probably related to my divorce. On March 27, my lawyer will be requesting a hearing date, which I am told will then be sometime within the next two weeks. I am nervous about things going badly. I am hoping for a clean break and for it all to be over.

Because of the stress of the hearing coming up I have not felt comfortable making any plans this spring. I can’t hope to go to FKO this year (Having plans “fall through” is more painful for me than not having plans.) [info]chaoticgoodchic just came for a visit last weekend which was great, but we don’t have any specific plans to see each other again till August. My house feels very lonely now that she has gone.

I know that I have lots of friends, and that those of you reading this are there for me if I need it. I’m not going to do anything desperate. I’m just unhappier than I have been for over a year and a half, and I’m tired, very tired. I haven’t worked on any paintings since October. I currently have two “pattern” paintings, a portrait, and a medicine circle painting waiting to be worked on.

I do have some local plans, this weekend I’ll be seeing [info]outlander in GodSpell. The weekend after that I’m playing D&D at [info]viking_cat’s house. I’m considering renting some videos to keep busy, I’ve been wanting to rent Season 1 of Heros. Plus I have to stay focused on the Hotel Search for Concertino09. I know I’ll make it through this, the waiting is just hard.

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Comments {28}

sylvari

(Whatever)

from: [info]sylvari
date: Mar. 6th, 2008 09:58 pm (UTC)
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I understand more than you think hon. *hug*
Good thoughts are winging your way as we speak.The one thing I have learned so far is that sometimes you can't do things alone. Sometimes a little help is needed.


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Peter

Thank you very much

from: [info]maverick_weirdo
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 12:45 am (UTC)
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I am sure you do understand what I am going through.
*hugs*

Now back to taking care of the house and the business like you said earlier today. *hugs again* I don't want to distract you from what you need to do.

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Dragon is as Dragon does

(Whatever)

from: [info]kendaer
date: Mar. 6th, 2008 10:17 pm (UTC)
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Given that I went through a divorce recently (within the last year) myself, I also somewhat understand how you feel. All I can say is hang in and things will settle out eventually though it can and will take time.

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Peter

(Whatever)

from: [info]maverick_weirdo
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 12:46 am (UTC)
Link

Thank you

Edited at 2008-03-07 12:46 am (UTC)

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Dragon is as Dragon does

(Whatever)

from: [info]kendaer
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 04:54 am (UTC)
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Any time.. and if you want/need to talk, please feel free to drop a note my way.

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Dini

(Whatever)

from: [info]damedini
date: Mar. 6th, 2008 11:16 pm (UTC)
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Well, it sounds like a perfectly apropriate emotional response to your life. Letdown from CGC being there then gone for a long while, divorces are always hideous, and not going to FKO sucks.
But you knwo that all these tings, and your sadness, will pass. So don't worry too much. Just give yourself a little space, pamper yourself for a few days (treats, your fave beer, a new book, etc) and make sure to get plenty of sleep.
*hugs*

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Peter

Thank You

from: [info]maverick_weirdo
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 12:51 am (UTC)
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I plan on trying to be good to myself for the next few weeks. I have 4 books on order from Bookswap (should be here in about a week), and I picked up a pizza on the way home today (ham & broccoli).

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harper

(Whatever)

from: [info]telynor
date: Mar. 6th, 2008 11:29 pm (UTC)
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No advice, just listening. Take a hug if you want one, and keep us posted on how things are with you.

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varianor

(Whatever)

from: [info]varianor
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 12:16 am (UTC)
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No advice, just listening.

Uh-huh. I went through this 15 years ago. Eventually it does get better. Repeat. It does get better. (Not advice, just a fact. :) ) Hope that your weekend is good!

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Peter

(Whatever)

from: [info]maverick_weirdo
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 12:57 am (UTC)
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Thank you

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Peter

Thanks

from: [info]maverick_weirdo
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 12:57 am (UTC)
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I Always take whatever hugs I can get. Posting about it does seem to be helping.

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Isabel

(Whatever)

from: [info]outlander
date: Mar. 6th, 2008 11:33 pm (UTC)
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If you want someone to hang out with while you watch Heroes, I could be easily talked into bringing knitting over & keeping you company. I will have big social let down once the show is over, so it would be good for me too.

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Peter

(Whatever)

from: [info]maverick_weirdo
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 01:01 am (UTC)
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Thanks for the offer, I'll have to consider if I'm up to letting people see what a dump I live in. ;)

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Wiseacre

(Whatever)

from: [info]ewin
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 12:12 am (UTC)
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I know where you're at. *hugs*

Try to eat good, and get sunshine if possible.

And yeah, fandom and watching good stories is awesome...

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Peter

Thank you

from: [info]maverick_weirdo
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 01:03 am (UTC)
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I did go for a walk at lunch time today

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CallyLevy

(Whatever)

from: [info]callylevy
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 12:19 am (UTC)
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Just a little note to say I read this, and am thinking of you. I carry happy memories of having FKO dessert with you and hope that life gets easier for you in the coming months.

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Peter

Thank you

from: [info]maverick_weirdo
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 01:13 am (UTC)
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It's nice to hear from you, and it's hard to believe that it's been almost a year.

So when can we expect to hear about the ladies choir again? To distract me from my own problems of course.

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CallyLevy

Re: Thank you

from: [info]callylevy
date: Mar. 22nd, 2008 10:49 pm (UTC)
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Your wish is my command (eventually)! I've just posted the choir update!

Hope things are going okay. *hugs*

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D

(Whatever)

from: [info]dextra
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 12:53 am (UTC)
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i am jealous that you get to see godspell, let alone a version with a friend in it.

happy gaming, and say hi to the kitty for me!

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Peter

Thank You

from: [info]maverick_weirdo
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 01:22 am (UTC)
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I got a sneak preview of her part at the filksing last saturday, she's good.

And the morning game I'm in at the Boston Gameday is going to be Castle Zagyg run by Jeff Talanian, Seems appropriate somehow.

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Maedbh7

(Whatever)

from: [info]maedbh7
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 02:41 am (UTC)
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Just keep plugging the self-care. Take a long hot shower. Or a long soak in the tub. Paint something "just because painting is fun to do". Maybe buy a set of bathtub paint, so you can't paint the bathtub walls with little evil ducks while you have that long hot soak. Whatever means "self care" to you.

And yes, we'll all be here :) *hug* -H...

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Sister Lucia of the Order of the Heifer Star

(Whatever)

from: [info]tisonlyherself
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 02:55 pm (UTC)
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***hugs***

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Kate Nineteen

(Whatever)

from: [info]ultimatepsi
date: Mar. 7th, 2008 10:58 pm (UTC)
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*hugs*

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rchb76

Felling it

from: [info]rchb76
date: Mar. 8th, 2008 01:44 am (UTC)
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Life just sucks sometimes, but you just keep rolling with it. Dramatic change in your life can some times get you down, especially if the future is unclear. I think being alone is the hardest part. Even if you don't get along with the person your just use to having someone always there. The adjustment takes time. Just remember your friends will always be there for you.

Love Always,
Rach

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David R

(Whatever)

from: [info]dvtune
date: Mar. 8th, 2008 03:18 am (UTC)
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That's some difficult stuff you're dealing with, it's no surprise that you're depressed! As an "old hand" at depression myself, I think the key thing is to not face it alone. Spending time with friends is important.

*sending good thoughts your way*

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ChaoticGoodChic

I love you!!

from: [info]chaoticgoodchic
date: Mar. 8th, 2008 10:04 pm (UTC)
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Hello My Love,

Even though I speak with you every day - and more than that in the past few days - I wanted to leave a note for you to "have and to hold" so to speak.

I've been in a much darker place with more reason to be there - and I not only survived, I conquered! You will also.

Together we have a hope and a future! The anticipation of an unpleasant event is usually a lot worse than the actual event. Please try not to let your beautiful emotional self prevent your rational self from seeing the yellow brick road in front of you. Your Emerald City awaits you!!

In the meantime, pick some apples and gather a few broomsticks. Hang out with the Scarecrow and the Lion and leave the Tin Man home for a while. Your home is waiting for you the minute you are ready.

Always keep in mind that I love you with passion extraordinaire.

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orawnzva

(Whatever)

from: [info]orawnzva
date: Mar. 9th, 2008 04:49 am (UTC)
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*big.giant.hugs*

Hang in there. Winter won't last forever for the northern hemisphere, and it won't for you either. Spring comes. Expect a real hug when you next see me.

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mbumby

(Whatever)

from: [info]mbumby
date: Mar. 10th, 2008 07:45 pm (UTC)
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Many hugs. Sorry to hear that things are being tough -- but glad you realize/understand that you _do_ have friends.

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